Friday, October 24, 2014

Open letters to hairdressers

Hairdressers:

Hey, thanks for making my hair pretty.  Really.  Thanks for assuming I spend time on it and making it all pretty and creating an appearance that will vanish forever once I leave your front doors.  Thank you for spending the time to wash and condition my hair thoroughly.  You've already spent more time on my hair than I have since the last time I cam here (which is longer than the 4-6 weeks you recommended).  Thanks for pretending you don't know that I just wear it in a ponytail everyday between visits.  

Now that that's out of the way...  I have a few grievances.

1.  I'm going to shampoo my hair daily.  Sorry.  It's thin.  I touch it a lot.  I have kids who chew it, play with it, put God only knows what in it.  It's getting washed every day.  This is to prevent small things living in it, small things sticking to it, and to fake a general sense of hygiene to those around me.

2.  Stop selling me stuff and telling me that everything I ever use is horrible for me.  I don't use product.  I don't dye my hair (yet).  I don't always blow dry my hair.  It's in relatively good shape.  I'm going to continue to use whatever shampoo I want.  It changes often from drugstore, Pantene, some coconut oil organic gunk, whatever.  I don't understand that no matter what I respond that I use, it's ALL BAD.  I'm not buying the miracle serum you're trying to sell me.  Give up.

3.  I love that you try to make me look better.  I do.  So, stop trying to point out all my insecurities first.  My hair is thin.  My hairline is high.  My face is round.  You sure you still want bangs?  I know all these things and yes, I want bangs because my hairline is high.  It cuts down on the forehead real estate.  I'm sure, with these great limitations, you can still manage to make me look halfway decent.  

Look, I am one of the lowest maintenance clients ever.  I just want my hair shorter.  I don't care if you layer it, razor cut it, or do whatever it is you do.  I'll rarely complain if I don't like it.  I just don't need a lecture.

kthxbye

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